So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
