So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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