I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I understand Curling. That high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
