So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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