I'm going to jail i love you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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