New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
