At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
