my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
