I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
