Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
