do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
