Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
