I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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