i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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