Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
