i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
