I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
