have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
