Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
