I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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