He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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