Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
