i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
