i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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