I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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