Got a toothbrush?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
