I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
