Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
