your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
