Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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