Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
