peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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