My room smells like vodka and shame
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
