Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Houston, we have a blender
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
