I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
