dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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