Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
