I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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