the condom got lost in my hair
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
