Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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