saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
