I understand Curling. That high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
