i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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