Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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