Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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