I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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