So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
