Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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