I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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