I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I believe in your delicious
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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