It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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