I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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