Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A+ Viking dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
