Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
