He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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