thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
