worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
