sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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