I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
