"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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