no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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