are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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