a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
