I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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