he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
